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Do you dare ask?

There is a heavy debate taking place on a Facebook page regarding the really awkward question that pops up which is “when are you going to have kids”?  Actually the harder question asked once you reach a certain age is “are you having problems falling pregnant” and if you do manage to fall pregnant and have a baby the third annoying question  asked is  is when are you having number 2?

So do you ask these questions or don’t you and if you are asked them do you answer them or not?

The first one is easy to answer if the answer is yes.  People assume that just because they want kids, that everyone else does which is completely misguided. There are perfectly normal couples or single people that really don’t want kids. 

The question regarding fertility is a really tough one and one that I suppose should never be asked. I say suppose because if you are truly close to someone, you know which questions can and can’t be asked, but to ask a stranger or someone that you are not close to if they are having fertility issues is just not a good idea.

I had fertility issues. I was open about them to close friends and family.  I would  have shared them on a blog because of all the very lonely infertile couples out there who need to know that they are not alone even though it is probably the most lonely prospect one can face even with support.

I was one of the fortunate women or shall I say we were a fortunate couple (see how lonely infertility seems) and got to have our baby we had put off having for so long. Yes we nearly missed the boat. I always said I would never have an only child.  Turns out life has a way of working itself out regardless of what we want and on Dylan’s birthday I became infertile once again. This time completely infertile.

And so the third annoying question is asked. One that never fails to tug at my heart. When are you having no 2? Yes another question you may think twice about asking because many people are choosing to have one child and some like me who would now choose to have one can only have one.

People have their own reasons and situations for not having children or for only having one and unless you know their situation, questioning them about their situation may cause pain so rather steer clear of all of the above questions.

Oh and while we are on the topic of children and questions, never ask a women when she is expecting for a whoe host of reasons!


One comment on “Do you dare ask?

  1. Before I had children, I would not have hesitated to ask these questions (except maybe the infertility one), but now…let’s just say I got annoyed when people asked if I was going to have another.
    Then I had another boy, so now I am asked if we are going to try for a girl – why would people presume I a) want a girl and b) am unsatisfied with what I was blessed with

    So no, I generally don’t ask, unless someone asks me to which I usually rely “no, why are you ?”

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