Someone recently asked how I would describe life. Unexpected was the only thing that I could come up with.
We live life with preconceived ideas as to how things will turn out, but so often it doesn’t turn out the way we expect it to.
When I was 20 I wondered where I would be age 26. I am not sure why 26 was such an important age, but it was. At 26 I found myself single after a long term relationship, but shortly afterwards I started dating the man I thought I would grow old with. All good. At age 39 everything has changed once again and I find myself single and wondering how the hell did that happen??
Single at 26 is a whole lot different to being single at 39. Firstly I have a son now. Quite frankly a part of me feels like I am quite happy with my life now, but the real Julz really believes in love and longs for it again. So I long for love, but I am not so in love with my body anymore. Gravity has taken it’s toll. Being a single parent means almost no time to go to gym not that I would anyway, but I know what you were thinking there. It also means that I get to spend most week nights and every other weekend with my son which I am enjoying so much, but it also means that I have 4 days out of 14 days to date.
So putting all the scary thoughts and challenging time management issues aside, a part of me is excited about the future. I am excited to meet new people even though I am not sure how to anymore, but I will figure it out.
I am 38 years old and until about 4 weeks ago had never experienced tooth ache. Rather lucky. When the pain started, I was hoping to be able to blame it on my sinuses which have caused me endless grief because I would rather go through a whole sinus surgery again than sit in a dentist chair.
Yes I am terrified of dentists. I go when I need to which is hardly ever because I have really strong teeth. The reason why I don’t like dentists is because my teeth are not in the best condition and I just don’t feel like the lecture, but I couldn’t take the pain any longer and hauled my butt off to the dentist on a public holiday so yes it was quite bad.
I was hoping to get away with a script for antibiotics, but that was really wishful thinking considering 4 of my wisdom teeth were cracked or broken from acid reflux or just not being able to brush there properly. I prefer to say it is from the reflux. Sounds better to strangers. I got a very annoyed dentist who took an x-ray and then gave me the lecture I truly deserved followed by the worst news ever. I would have to have them all out. Actually all four wisdom teeth one canine that was hiding in my pallet and another poorly positioned tooth. You would think previous dentists would have noticed the lack of the one tooth in my mouth, but if you don’t go to a dentist they tend not to notice. The only saving grace is that because the one tooth was totally impacted, they could make medical aid pay for it under general anaesthetic and seeing as I would be under they might as well remove all the others too.
So I took myself off to the Maxo guy who was interesting. He noted all of my previous surgeries which are too numerous to mention. I tried to use them as an excuse for not going to the dentist due to lack of time and money. He didn’t think it was funny. He lost brownie points cause I thought it was very funny. He agreed with the dentist but sent me to an Ortho dude to make sure. Ortho dude agreed so off I went just over a week ago for them to remove 6 teeth at once. I am not scared of surgery as long as it doesn’t include surgery of my toes or mouth so I was really nervous.
I love the way surgeons tend to leave out all the details until after the surgery and then they come to see you post op and almost shout “SURPRISE” followed by “the surgery was a bit more difficult and they had to cut part of the pallet away first etc etc etc.
I am not a sissy and up until now adore pethadine which helps me after most surgeries, except this one. There was nothing more they could do for the pain which is not what I wanted to hear. Eventually things calmed down a bit and I got to go home and the next few days were quite sore and I was very swollen up to my eyes infact despite sleeping sitting up.
So four days on and nothing could have prepared me for the truly worst part of dental surgery. THE STITCHES. i am not sure if the surgeon intentionally meant to thread each stitch through my cheek or if I am just the unluckies person out there, but that is exactly what has happened and the stitched in my pallet have become permanent dental floss which is so annoying plus they have cut my cheeks to ribbons. I even resorted to sleeping with gauze to protect my cheeks but I woke up and couldn’t find said gauze so I can only assume I must have swallowed it during my sleep.
The best part is that my surgeon is on leave until next Monday. Yes another week of permanent dental floss.
Lets hope the gauze I swallowed dissolves better than these damned stitches.
There is a heavy debate taking place on a Facebook page regarding the really awkward question that pops up which is “when are you going to have kids”? Actually the harder question asked once you reach a certain age is “are you having problems falling pregnant” and if you do manage to fall pregnant and have a baby the third annoying question asked is is when are you having number 2?
So do you ask these questions or don’t you and if you are asked them do you answer them or not?
The first one is easy to answer if the answer is yes. People assume that just because they want kids, that everyone else does which is completely misguided. There are perfectly normal couples or single people that really don’t want kids.
The question regarding fertility is a really tough one and one that I suppose should never be asked. I say suppose because if you are truly close to someone, you know which questions can and can’t be asked, but to ask a stranger or someone that you are not close to if they are having fertility issues is just not a good idea.
I had fertility issues. I was open about them to close friends and family. I would have shared them on a blog because of all the very lonely infertile couples out there who need to know that they are not alone even though it is probably the most lonely prospect one can face even with support.
I was one of the fortunate women or shall I say we were a fortunate couple (see how lonely infertility seems) and got to have our baby we had put off having for so long. Yes we nearly missed the boat. I always said I would never have an only child. Turns out life has a way of working itself out regardless of what we want and on Dylan’s birthday I became infertile once again. This time completely infertile.
And so the third annoying question is asked. One that never fails to tug at my heart. When are you having no 2? Yes another question you may think twice about asking because many people are choosing to have one child and some like me who would now choose to have one can only have one.
People have their own reasons and situations for not having children or for only having one and unless you know their situation, questioning them about their situation may cause pain so rather steer clear of all of the above questions.
Oh and while we are on the topic of children and questions, never ask a women when she is expecting for a whoe host of reasons!
It has been ages since my last blog. Sorry abou that.
Truth is that I have been MIA thanks to my strong teeth. Yes that is right. They are so strong that I have been ignoring them for 38 years or rather neglecting them. I do go to the dentist every 10 years or so, but only when a tooth has actutally broken. I have until two weeks ago never had tooth ache. How lucky am I.
So two weeks ago I got to experience tooth ache and at first I though it was my sinuses. Much rather have sinus surgery again than go to the dentist, but as the week came to an end I had to admit that the ache was rather bad and I wasn’t that blocked up so on the public holiday I took myself off to the dentist.
The very kind dentist decided a HUGE lecture was in order, which it was. Turns out all of my Wisdom teeth are giving me hassles due to them all being broken. Yes I know they are all broken but why fix something if it isn’t hassling you and the cost of dentristry is shocking.
It turns out I have to have them all removed plus two more, one which is impacted and the other in a very odd place.
Not happy about this but am very hopeful that my wonderful, generous medical aid will pay for me to have them all removed under General anaesthetic. I see the surgeon next week wednesday. Until then I am on strong pain meds and heaps of antibiotics for the abscess that is present.
I guess I will be spending a few more weeks sleeping upright. Great.
So the moral of the story is,go to the dentist before you feel the pain cause once the pain is there it is too late.
I turn 38 in a few days time and I am having a party. I do every year. I am a social creature and like to have my friends round for a good evening.
Neil usually gives me the option of a present or a party for my friends. I choose the party. This year I said I will pay for my own party as I would like a gift rather from Dylan .Neil has already bought us tickets to see Sting for my birthday present from him. Can’t wait.
Each year I stress about what I am going to do and serve and until now I have had a seated dinner party, but I have made some new, fabulous friends so I am having a bash rather.
I can’t think of any better way to spend it than wearing neon clothing, , eating finger food ,drinking white wine and dancing to music from the 80’s when you could still sing along and you could remember all the words so the theme is Back to the 80’s.
Most of my friends grew up in the 80’s so we all remember the stone washed “jean pant” and the leg warmers and permed hair. All the make up worn by men. Hysterical. Actually the shops are pretty full of the same clothes at the moment so failure to arrived dressed for the theme boobie prize for sure and there will be no nipple attached.
Most importantly I am not going to get stressed about food and drink or the house being clean enough or my falling down cornish in the bathroom. I will just dim the lights and order food.
The wine is bought and paid for and there are some beers in the fridge so plenty of alcohol to go around.
It made me realise why life begins at 40. It’s cause you start caring less about what other people think and do what it is you want instead. Bring on the 40’s!
Up until recently we have had a fabulous housesitter who is also a good friend. It suits us better to know that someone will be looking after our home and dogs all at the same time,but Neil made a new deal with the housesitter and so he basically owes us 14 free days of housesitting in lieu of a payment Neil made on his behalf.
Great only now, the said housesitter isn’t available like he always has been and I wonder if it is the lack of payment or maybe I am just being unfair. He also has been single until recently so that may be a factor.
I want to go away with some dear friends. Neil is willing to. They are not his dear friends, but he is willing to.. If it were me going away with his dear friends, I would be happy to go away, but anyway that is another debate.
Now we have no house sitter.
Neil is secretly thrilled as he thinks I will cancel, but I won’t. I want to go away for the weekend. A kennel is out of the question. Their hours are so ridiculous that your dogs land up spending 4 days for a weekend break away and then our one dog named Clumsy may actually break away so not an option.
So now to find a new reliable house sitter. One that will accept the fact that we have no DSTV. Yes folks. No DSTV.
So the search begins.
I love that winter is on it’s way. Firslty because I get to wear the new winter woolies stashed in my wardrobe which I love and secondly because my son gets up later and goes to bed earlier. Let me just clarify that his getting up later means six in the morning and not five-thirty. It’s not that I don’t like spending time with him, I do , honestly, but I love to spend time with myself or Neil or the dogs who I am sad to say don’t get nearly enough attention these days. The dogs that is, not Neil. I am trying to give Neil more attention, but for the first time in 11 years he is working 18 hours a day some of which is at home, but still it means time spent away from his family which can’t be nice for him. Who am I kidding, he is probably loving it!
I truly love that it is getting darker in the mornings. Yes I know, in about a month from now I am going to be blogging about how damned cold it is and how horrid it is to get up in the dark and go to work in the dark and arrive home in the dark. I know, but for now I am going to relish the extra me time.